Jana and I

When i first saw Jana i wanted to hate her because she had her father's (my 1st cousin) face, i remember she was 6 years old at that time, even though his blood runs in her veins children do not carry the sins of their parents. I never saw Jana cry at all she always smiled and had cute dimples, her grandmother (my disgusting aunt) brings her along whenever she visits, Jana was her first grandchild. At times when i am in my room she would knock on my door twice then charges in laughing and making a mess, i did not mind i would stare at her playing for hours, i saw in her the childhood i never had. When i was her age i was not laughing and giggles instead i was crying in some dark corner of a small room.

As Jana grew her laughter gradually disappeared, the once happy child suddenly changed into a quiet sad girl who sometimes urinates on herself, maybe deep down in my heart i knew her bastard father was doing to her as he did to me. One time her mother came along with her expensive diamond watch and her clown face full of makeup making her look even more ugly kept on bragging and talking nonstop about her upcoming party blah blah blah....while in the other room her daughter Jana was crying quietly in the arms of a maid. I wanted to slap her mother so hard and scream "YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH FOR GOD'S SAKE LOOK AT YOUR DAUGHTER!"

I took Jana into my room and asked her gently what was wrong knowing so well she would never tell me, she just shook her head and said nothing. To my shock i noticed a tiny round red mark just above her right elbow, it was a cigarette burn, OH MY GOD! it took all the energy in me not to react and bellow with anger. It was not enough that he tortured me but to his daughter? his own flesh and blood! that sick, perverted, drug addict ,sadistic sorry excuse of a man deserved to die! I buried my emotions and hugged Jana tightly promising her that soon everything was going to be okay.

After her father's death Jana and I became very close her fears and anxiety all faded away. Months later she revealed her secret to me and it made me throw up, it was like re-telling my story when i was sexually abused as a child. I never told her of my past and when i asked if she loved her father she replied, "My name is attached to his but he never was a father to me".

Jana and I, we are so much alike we share the same pain, same predator, no one deserves to suffer alone, what i did was for her, i have no regrets at all, just seeing her smile again and saving her before the wound was too deep was worth everything. Jana is strong, now she can live the rest of her life in peace, one day she will get married and be a wonderful mother to her children.


I wish I had someone to protect me back then...

Blessed be,
Poena.